1. When older guardians or authority figures told you, as a child, that the insane tornado one county over was no biggie, or that the rattling support beams of the hurtling roller coaster were just fine, or, not to worry, mountain lions are only giant kitty-cats, you probably believed them. Unfortunately, government officials aren’t as good at hiding the metaphorical twitch in the corner of their mouths and the frantic cuticle picking. And you’re not a kid anymore. At the heart of this analogy lies response to an announcement from the FDA that levels of a fungicide recently detected in orange juices from Brazil have suddenly risen, causing enough concern to hold OJ imports at the border for testing. But, they added, it’s not really a concern, you guys. Even though the U.S. isn’t OK with carbendazim, Brazil is. Plus, the levels aren’t high enough just yet to pose any serious health risks. So, don’t worry about that fungicide the EPA hasn’t approved for use, for which all international orange juices are being screened. As always, they’ll let us know if we need to start worrying, and when.
2. Also minimally scary but purportedly more than acceptable to the palate is Michelin-rated chef Moreno Cedroni’s line of canned seafood, long available in Europe, new to the States this week. This ain’t no StarKist chicken-of-the-sea deal. Moreno has tinned cuttlefish with peas, octopus and potato, bonito in EVOO, and a monkfish liver dish. Leave it to an Italian to capsize your wildest submarine culinary fears.
3. We all, presumably, have a friend or two who’s shirked travel mugs in favor of canning glassware (listen up, John Willy), and this is for them — an invention sure to irk every other aspiring entrepreneur and cause infomercial gurus to kick themselves. The Cuppow: a reusable, under-ring lid for mobile Mason-jar sippers. A simple, environmentally friendly design, and so cheap.
4. Hostess has some pretty good ideas too, like a crystal-cream-filled, neon tube-cake that can outlast a nuclear winter. Too bad people aren’t gaga for Twinkies the way they were in the late 1930s, because now, partly as a result of the golden pastries’ sales downslide and due to higher costs of labor and ingredients, Hostess has filed for bankruptcy, owing nearly a billion dollars to one of its creditors alone. Ho Nos!
5. Attention! Attention! Read all about it! McDonald’s to become the UK’s largest bookseller this month! Kid-lit author Michael Morpurgo (or, more accurately, publisher Harper Collins) has leant his work to Mickey D’s, who will start offering Mudpuddle Farm books with Happy Meals, in place of toys, most likely to spread word about Spielberg’s film adaptation of Morpurgo’s War Horse. Health officials are rather upset because, despite the fact that one in three British children doesn’t own a book and this will get them amped to read, kids will also be especially amped to eat the cheap box of unhealthy grub that accompanies the book.
6. Listeria-tainted cantaloupes killed more than 25 people this past summer, and feces were finally blamed. But, with suspicions still high, the FDA recently conducted inspections on the second-tier food-safety inspectors, hired by food producers to tell everyone else whether they’re up to code. Well, Jensen Farms wasn’t up to code. In fact, the auditors they hired, PrimusLabs, not only slacked but also doled out bogus advice that may have led directly to contamination of cantaloupes.
7. Every job has its acceptable shortcuts and standard industry shorthand, we understand, but once things take a turn toward outright racism, it’s probably time to get back to the straight-and-narrow, the minimally more time-consuming. Submitted for your examination: the amount of time saved by referring to an unknown Asian customer as “lady chinky eyes” on her Papa John’s receipt instead of just asking for her name is incomparably smaller than the amount of time it’ll take you to find a new cashier job.
8. An excavation in Akko, or Acre, Israel, turned up a 1,500-year-old (6th century BC) ceramic bread stamp, used to imprint kosher breads, engraved with a seal of the seven-branched menorah. The archaeological find, detailed in a press release Tuesday, places, for the first time, a Jewish community in this certainly Christian area during the Byzantine period.
9. Starbucks poured forth its two newest brews Tuesday, at select locations and retailers, in explicit hopes of increasing its customer base by 40%, busting into a $1 billion-break, besting Dunkin’ Donuts and McDonald’s, and generally getting people who aren’t actually into coffee to buy coffee from Starbucks. The Veranda is “mellow and soft” and the Willow is “bright and clean.” Additionally, from Thursday through Saturday, visitors will be able to participate in free tastings and walk away with complimentary perks.
10. Further evidence nobody — and we mean nobody — likes seeing the bill after a meal, not even an über-wealthy private equity firm dude whose last name just happens to be Castle: aging magnate creepily breaks server’s fingers at a posh eatery in Palm Beach after being presented with the tab, upon Mrs. Castle’s instruction, nonetheless. Gives a whole new meaning to “icy clutch,” doesn’t it? Remarkably, no charges pressed.
Photo: Klearchos Kapoutsis
